Mark 10: 35
” Teacher”  ,  they said,  ” we want you to do for us whatever we ask.”
They asked =  ” Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory.”

I can remember after my Mom died…for two years….of sitting asking God …
I want to speak, I want to  ______, I want to ________.

” What ever WE ask “…… give it to me please God….
It is for YOUR GLORY, GOD….( they wanted to sit close to HIM, didn’t they ? )

Yet JESUS  replied :  ” you don’t know what you are asking “…….

Why didn’t they know what they were asking ? _______________________
Because……
Jesus , ”  Can you drink the cup I drink ….?”

” Instead, whoever wants to become great among you MUST BE YOUR SERVANT, and whoever
wants to be first must be SLAVE OF ALL.”
The point that we hate :    servant to all……. the ones we like to serve and be seen serving…                                                                                                 the ones in our life, no one sees us serve…..

slave of all…..slave has no control….only obeys.
slave has no say, no agenda, no even voice in what they are to do….SLAVE to all.

I can remember so clearly the desire to ” get out there again” …in ministry…..
I THOT…I had served my time….taking care of my Mom –  24/7 –  15 months….

I knew each trial, struggle….of each day….
but, but, but……I had to humbly get it in my heart…..not just for the one I loved dearly…
but , but , but…. I had to not even desire to sit at the side of JESUS…..
no desire of self seen…..
but the death of self……. in all honesty…..the death of self….self desire….

( am I there YET ?   NO )

but truly walking after the death of self desire…..and being content, being ok…
with today –  I babysit,  today…I take Dad to the Dr. …. today, I answer a phone call and listen.
TODAY…..slave…
TODAY….servant….

( not having attained it all) …but desiring to wake up wanting nothing.

death to self…………….
When my Mom died, no one could hurt her again, with words, with pain, with anything….
Even her own self……she was ready to receive ALL THE GLORY OF GOD….in Heaven.

no difference on earth……
complete death to self…….ready for HIM to receive all the glory….

( been there, drug out…long suffering….been there…am I there yet ?
no,   but seriously…..desiring not to want myself any longer….)